Why Willpower Fails: The Ancient Art of True Self-Mastery

Wildfires have raged across our nation in recent years. Entire villages have been destroyed while we watched horrified by the pictures of great trees going up in flames by firestorms which couldn't be stopped. Near my home in Texas a wildfire consumed 1,000,000 acres, destroying prairie and homes. I also live just a few miles away from a huge electric plant which makes electricity with a fire that is thousands of degrees. What is the difference between these fires? It is control. Wildfires are out of control while the fire in a generator is under strict control monitored by state-of-the-art devices. Control makes productivity possible.

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This may be the least popular episode I’ve ever produced. It is about self-control and self-mastery. No one wants to talk about that, right? But this virtue has been recognized for centuries as vital for well-being.

Self-mastery held a prominent place in Greek and Roman philosophy. The Greek work ‘enkrateia’ means having power over urges and passions. Socrates called it one of the chief virtues. The Stoic philosophers Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus described it as the elevating of rational thought above strong emotional desires. This is not the same as willpower, where I grit my teeth and suppress what I want. Instead, it means the alignment of my highest values and the desires of the moment. In contrast, the opposite of self-control is self-indulgence, where the impulses of gratification overpower our values and wisdom.

For example, I have exercised the virtue of Self-mastery when I want to indulge in a second piece of pie and and then pause to consider it in the context of my healthy weight. My craving must stand the test of my values and goals before I take that next bite, with ice cream on the side.

The Bible presents self-control as a vital part of spiritual maturity. The Apostle Paul lists it alongside love, kindness, and peace as a work of God for the highest well-being. In the letter to the Galatians, Paul applied self-control in matters of sensuality. That’s not the only place self-mastery is needed, of course. In wider application we realize self-control is vital for all areas of life.  

Consider the story of Samson as a negative example of self-mastery. Samson fell head-over-heels for beautiful Delilah. She was actually a honeypot, or agent of the Philistines to kill Samson. Delilah seduces him to learn his weak point, patiently manipulating him until he reveals his secret. His story is a failure of self-mastery, surrendering his values to his emotional impulses, and reaping the terrible result of being blinded and weak.

Most of us fight some version of a battle between principles and passions. The list of tempting pleasures is long: laziness, over-eating, gaming, sex, shopping, or you fill in the blank for your vice that leads you away from the better action, the wise choice, or the highest value.

In modern life we reward athletes for having amazing capacities to control their bodies toward a desired end. The superstar may make millions for the ability to throw a pass, hit a golf ball, or kick a goal. How many medals does an out of condition athlete ever win? None of course. The skills needed were developed over many years of discipline, self-denial, and training.

The failure of training our minds may be true of believers who have never moved towards self-control in their spiritual lives. There is the constant temptation to play on our phones, to watch the sitcoms, or to ignore the needs of a neighbor. They have failed to act with discipline and intention in spiritual development.

What are practical ways we can exercise self-mastery? Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher who lived at the same time as the Apostles , taught the skill of pausing or withholding assent. Between the urging of our emotions and the action we choose there should be a pause to thoughtfully consider what is happening. The philosopher wrote, “Don’t let the force of an impression when it first hits you knock you off your feet; just say to it: 'Hold on a moment; let me see who you are and what you represent.”

This idea is a centerpiece of modern therapy. A modern therapist puts it this way, "We don’t control the initial automatic thoughts or impressions that pop into our minds... However, we do control how we respond to them. We can choose whether or not to give our 'assent' to these initial impressions. This is the seat of our moral freedom."[1]

The Bible brings a crucial perspective to self-mastery. It is more than a lifestyle skill. Mastery of our emotional urges is a work of collaborating with the Spirit of God. We are not alone in our inner life. The Spirit constantly seeks to inspire the choices which lead away from self-indulgence to moderation and control. In the pause before we act, we can find a holy place of divine guidance, wisdom, and obedience to the real values that bring well-being.

Cindy faced the fact that her life wasn’t bringing much happiness. There were too many wrong decisions, regrets, and poor outcomes in relationships. She picked up a book about spiritual disciplines that have been used for centuries. She decided to give them a try to gain more control of her life. She began Bible reading to learn of moral truths, a time of prayer to open her heart to the Spirit, meditation to turn focus from the external influences that had not been helping her, and doing some volunteering to visit some older folks in the care center. She even tried fasting for one day per month to master her cravings. Over a few weeks she noticed a mental clarity and sense of well-being. She felt more in control when urges, cravings, and emotions surged up. In the pause between the emotional surge and the action, she found God nudging her to act with a larger, well-thought-out perspective.

Learning from the wisdom of the ages can be a great give our modern life a skill we need in our hyper-connected world. Start with some simple actions that build the skills needed. Spiritual disciplines are great but even learning to pause for five seconds before you speak or act can make a huge difference.  Seeking to implement self-control controls the emotional fire to join with God's energy for greater well-being.

[1] Donald Robertson, How to Think Like a Roman Emperor. Griffin Press, 2020.